I once did a Klavan on the Culture called “Bumper Sticker Police,” in which I imagined there was a division of the police authorized to pull your car over for displaying a particularly stupid bumper sticker. I was going to make it a series, but it didn’t get many views so I never did a sequel. Which has left me with all this pent. Up. RAGE!!!!! Okay, not really, but there are at least a few more bumper stickers I’d like to see removed from the road. Preferably by violent force. To wit:
1. “I Don’t Eat Anything With A Face.” Why the hell not? What’s so special about a face? You have one, and I’d eat you. It’s like saying, “I don’t eat anything that talks in children’s books.” Don’t be such a sentimental idiot.
2. “Why Do We Kill People Who Kill People To Show That Killing People is Wrong?” We don’t. We kill people who kill people to stop them from killing more people. Works like a charm.
3. “Co-exist.” You know this one, where the letters are all made into religious symbols. The suggestion is there are some of us who don’t want to co-exist, who want to kill people of other religions by, like, flying planes into their buildings or setting off bombs in their subways. And there are such people. So why not take your bumper sticker to, say, Saudi Arabia? Oh wait, I know why.
4. “Question Authority.” Every time I see this one, I want to scribble on it: “Why?” I mean you said… oh, never mind.
5. “Obama.” Makes me think the guy ahead of me is too stupid to drive.