The Battle for Los Angeles

Crowds flocked to the new apocalyptic alien invasion funfest Battle:  Los Angeles probably for the same reason a lot of critics hated it:  it pays high tribute to the US Marines and, symbolically at least, their Bush-led victory in the Iraq war.

The talented Aaron Eckhart and his cleft chin lead a handful of brave leathernecks against seemingly unbeatable aliens in street-to-street combat through Los Angeles.  By the time it’s over, you’re ready to stand up and salute – as well you bloody should, since the Marines, Army, Navy and Air Force do this sort of thing every day, the only difference being that, in real life, when they get killed they don’t get to come back.  And oh yeah, in real life, the enemy’s not from Zebulon, or wherever.

That these enemy creatures are evil, destructive and implacable is evident to everyone who sees them – except one little boy, who hopes that maybe they just want to be friends.  His father tenderly explains, “Well, if they’re chasing after us and shooting us, I don’t think they can be very good friends.”  The kid eventually gets it, but if Dad wants to explain this to our left wing mainstream media critics, I guess he’s going to have to use smaller words.  Because the critics simply could not believe what they were seeing.

Here’s Mark Jenkins in The Washington Post:

“Battle’s” depiction of block-by-block urban combat against an implacable, enigmatic foe evokes Baghdad at its bloodiest. But director Jonathan Liebesman (whose background is in horror flicks) isn’t interested in allegory, nuance or social comment.

Oh no?  Guess what, dude – the brave Marines fighting nasties in Baghdad-like circumstances – that is the allegory and social comment!  But since you don’t seem to understand the language of film very well, let me translate for you.  Here’s what the film is saying:

“Hi, Mark.  Welcome to the movie.  By the way, just thought we’d mention that you’re here, alive, getting paid to sit on your butt and watch movies – and to review music for the ascot-wearing anti-semites at NPR -  because the Marines are in the middle east, killing the people who want to kill you.  Oh, and hey Mark – the aliens in the movie?  They’re Islamists!  Right – those guys who would like nothing better than to take your last book about punk rock and feed it to your severed head.  Oh wait, except they can’t.  Because the Marines are protecting you!  So we’re making a movie to pay tribute to the Marines, Mark, only we can’t really pay tribute to them and talk about the Islamists and all that, because then you would understand what we were saying and attack us for it.  So we made them aliens.  It’s an allegory.  Oh, never mind…”

That’s what the film is saying to Mark.  I can’t even repeat in print what it’s saying to Roger Ebert, who ended his review:

Young women: If your date likes this movie, tell him you’ve been thinking it over, and you think you should consider spending some time apart.

I would respond to this, but I can’t imagine any young woman on earth turning to Roger Ebert for advice on whom to date.  Or what movie to see, for that matter.

Anyway, the savage John Nolte, with excellent assists from Christian Toto and others, has been over at Big Hollywood digging the hole for these supercilious knuckleheads deeper than I could.  Check it out.  And go see the film – it’s lots of fun and will at least serve as a reminder of what our military is doing for us right now.  Until, that is, Hollywood has the nerve to make stories that openly salute the brave men and women battling these Islamo-Nazis overseas as well as here.

We’ll have to wait a while for that because, for now, the aliens still own LA.  But if this movie is any indication, the tide of battle is clearly turning.


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  • Mike Kilian

    Saw the movie twice. I read some reviews that went on about how unrealistic it is that the aliens would attack Los Angeles. John N. pointed out that it was THE perfect setting. Have a squad of Marines that are everything Hollywood hates save their sorry a’s . Oh the irony!

    As for taking back LA, maybe we could work out some kind of deal so they could keep it.

  • Sethcooper Law

    Thanks for the review–now I wanna go see it!

  • Pingback: Andrew Klavan Reviews BATTLE: LOS ANGELES | Fellowship of the Minds

  • jesus

    Great comments Mr. Klavan. I saw the film “Battle-LA” and enjoyed it tremendously as did the audience I saw the film with and plan to see it a second time except when I do I will take several people with me including boys and girls who might be interested in seeing the film if for no other reason than to see the film become successful at the box office and hopefully try to discredit those critics who have forgotten the science and art of film critique and instead now use their film reviews for no other reason than to promote their leftist agenda. I suppose the greatest compliment the film is receiving is reading people’s reviews of the film on yahoo and other boards and reading… “I went in not expecting much based on some critics reviews but WOW were we surprise to find how entertaining and good the film is….go see it”.

  • Zeitgeist0889

    I use to watch Roger Ebert for advice on which movies to see. If he liked a movie I avoided it like the plague. If he hated it I went to see it and usualy enjoyed it.

  • Anonymous

    Loved it. Wouldn’t miss it.

  • Anonymous

    great movie, made me feel proud, something i haven’t felt in roughly two years.

  • Drew Hilstad

    I saw it and it was f… great!!!!!!!

  • ann

    Loved the movie. Roger would be killed by the enemy first, after he helped them destroy the America — he has thrived in. An ungrateful, opportunist traitor to the USA.

  • Anonymous

    Yah awesome flick, on seeing it for 2nd time, the lines delivered, WERE EVEN BETTER!

    My heart, my gut… man, haven’t felt that great in a loooooohhhhnnng time.
    (well except for the jesus high i get, but other than that)

  • Anonymous

    I am going to see it, I think the Film maker is really telling us about the Battle of Fallujah. So the Islamofasists are Space Aliens, While I would rather have seen a Movie about the Real Battle and the Real Valor that when on there. I will take Hoo Rahs were I can get them. Marines, they are for the most part our Knights Templars, the few that stand on the wall. So we all can sleep in peace

  • Bagleybiker

    I originally didn’t want to see Battle: LA, but went with my husband anyway. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Made me appreciate the military even more than I already do! If I had gone with a boyfriend, I would say he was a keeper!

  • Rumplestiltskin

    Battle over LA is a very good movie: it has excellent action, good science fiction, with a good story line, logical progression of thought, the acting is exceptional. However the critics won’t like it, because it doesn’t have division between actors, that is inner conflict that can’t be resolved, it doesn’t have a inner turmoil over leadership. It doesn’t have porno or much offencive language. I doesn’t have objectionably mixed race drama. It is actually a very good film with conflict resolution. Like I said, angry, dysfunctional critics will hate it.

  • Bea M. Garcia

    Loved it! Loved it! Loved it!
    What a great movie!
    The characters were believable and very human.
    The shaky camera work is a bit rough but quickly passed.
    Seeing it in a foreign market (I live in London) was great.
    The audience response was amazing.
    Many Europeans see us (Americans) as a bunch of red-neck hicks.
    It is good for them to see that even red-neck hicks can and do kick ass.
    We’ve been protecting their elitist asses for far too long.
    I pray the movie is made available to all terrorists, leftists, and bleeding hearts.
    They need to be reminded that the American soldier is extremely well trained, dedicated & noble.
    “Retreat, Hell! We just got here!”
    Mr. Klavan, you won me over years ago when I first read an article you wrote for City Journal about a visit to Afghanistan, the superiority of US fighting forces, & the refusal of the Hollywood crowd to get it.
    What we need is a great story teller. Like Vince Flynn (but not as wordy) like Brad Thor, or Daniel Silva.
    Why not a Mitch Rapp, Scot Harvath, Gabriel Allon-type character who works along side the military to defeat the foes who are hell-bent on killing us all?
    These guys should be happily married to very feminine women who cook, clean, bake & greatly enjoy sex with their husbands.
    This will infuriate Hollywood, Europeans, & Feminazis.
    I do pray that the good Lord has gifted someone to write such a story.
    Maybe someone already has but Hollywood refuses to make it.
    Loved this movie along with the Eagle.
    Both will be added to the DVD collection as finances permit.

  • Jim from San Diego

    Glorious!  Somebody gets it.   The United States Marines and the rest of our combatant Armed Forces write a blank check to give everything they have- up to and including their lives- protect the freedoms of Americans everywhere from an unconsciounable and soul-less warrior class of uncircumsized jackasses who have spent the last 5000 years hunkered over camel manure fires at night and thinking up new ways to subjugate women and to kill everything in sight.  Hollywood- get a friggin’ grip.  In the REAL world where freedom exists- the American military are heroes.  It’s only Socialist Euro-trash and leftists who feel otherwise.  This may be America’s darkest hour- but then it’s always a bit dark right before the head gets extracted from the ass.   Great movie as far as depicting the True American warrior and patriot.  Kinda loud and dumb otherwise, tho- sorta like most movie critics and Hollywood as a whole